Tuesday, April 1, 2014

THE AWESOME ABRAMSVERSE! AWESOME TREK!

In 2009, J.J. Abrams, the genius writer behind Armageddon and the visionary director behind Cloverfield and Super 8 (the two greatest Steven Spielberg films ever made) decided to team together with the groundbreaking screen writing duo of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzamn, the brilliant wordsmiths who delivered us Transformers and the Legend of Zorro (arguably as striking a pair of cinematic triumphs as we have ever witnessed) and do all of us troglodytes a grand favor and fix that steaming pile of franchise, Star Trek

Oh boy, did it need it, too! Star Trek was always way too burdened with useless junk like character, plot, meaning, and intelligence. Nobody wants to see crap like that! "Too philosophical!" cried Abrams! What movie audiences crave is sex, mindless violence, swollen hands, and albino British villains wearing lots of pink lipstick! And lens flares. LENS FLARES! 
LENS FLARES!

So, in honor of those triumphant reboots, Star Trek and, of course- the Citizen Kane of the new millennium- star trek INTO DARKNESS I present the awesomest stats ever for the awesomest Star Trek ever-- ABRAMS TREK!!!!

Jaims T. Kurk
DEX
4
STR
2
BODY
4
Rank
INT
2
WILL
2
MIND
2
Captin
INFL
4
AURA
2
SPIRIT
2
Motivation
INIT
12
WEALTH
8
HP
10
Thrill of Adventure
SKILLS
Charisma: 5, Martial Arts: 2, Vehicles: 6, Weaponry: 4
ADVANTAGES
Attractive, Free Access (Military), Gift of Gab, Expansive Headquarters (USS Enterprise), License to Kill (Military), Luck, Rank (Captin O-6), Security Clearance (Medium)
CONNECTIONS
High- Starfleet, Captin Kristufer Piek; Low- United Federation of Planets
DRAWBACKS
Authority Figure (Captin of the Enterprise), Serious Irrational Attraction to hot chicks, Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]

Spok
DEX
5
STR
4
BODY
5
Rank
INT
3
WILL
2
MIND
2
Cummandur
INFL
3
AURA
3
SPIRIT
3
Motivation
INIT
11
WEALTH
8
HP
20
Responsibility of Power
POWERS
Mind Probe: 6 (No Range)
SKILLS
Detective: 3, Vehicles: 5, Weaponry: 6
ADVANTAGES
Free Access (Military), License to Kill (Military), Longevity, Rank (Cummandur O-5), Security Clearance (Medium)
CONNECTIONS
High- Starfleet, Captin Kristufer Piek; Low- United Federation of Planets
DRAWBACKS
Altered Biology (Near Human), Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Minor Physical Restriction: Like all Vulcans, Spok is incapable of speaking with any inflection (leading to those unfamiliar with the race to assume he has no emotions), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]
Tricorder [BODY: 3, Life Sense: 15, Radar: 12, Recall: 18, R#3] On a failed reliability roll, it gives a false reading. On a roll of double ones, it is broken and must be repaired.

Lenurd H. “boeNs” MuckoWEY
DEX
4
STR
3
BODY
3
Rank
INT
2
WILL
3
MIND
2
Lootenant Cummandur
INFL
4
AURA
3
SPIRIT
3
Motivation
INIT
10
WEALTH
8
HP
20
Unwanted Power
SKILLS
Charisma: 3, Medicine: 4
ADVANTAGES
Free Access (Military), Gift of Gab, License to Kill (Military), Rank (Lootenant Cummandur O-4), Security Clearance (Medium)
CONNECTIONS
Low- Starfleet
DRAWBACKS
Exile (Forced from Earth), Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]
Medical Tricorder [BODY: 3, Life Sense: 15, Radar: 12, Medicine: 1, Recall: 18, R#3] On a failed reliability roll, it gives a false reading. On a roll of double ones, it is broken and must be repaired.

Montgumry “ScottI” SKot
DEX
2
STR
2
BODY
3
Rank
INT
1
WILL
2
MIND
2
Lootenant Cummandur
INFL
2
AURA
2
SPIRIT
2
Motivation
INIT
5
WEALTH
8
HP
15
Responsibility of Power
SKILLS
Gadgetry: 4, Vehicles: 4
ADVANTAGES
Free Access (Military), License to Kill (Military), Rank (Lootenant Cummandur O-4), Security Clearance (Low)
CONNECTIONS
Low- Starfleet
DRAWBACKS
Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]

HikarOO SOOlOO
DEX
5
STR
2
BODY
3
Rank
INT
2
WILL
2
MIND
2
Lootenant
INFL
2
AURA
2
SPIRIT
2
Motivation
INIT
9
WEALTH
8
HP
15
Thrill of Adventure
SKILLS
Martial Artist: 3, Vehicles: 7, Weaponry: 5
ADVANTAGES
Free Access (Military), License to Kill (Military), Rank (Lootenant O-3), Security Clearance (Low), Weapon Specialization (“Fencing” katana)
CONNECTIONS
Low- Starfleet
DRAWBACKS
Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]

nEEotU UhOOra
DEX
4
STR
2
BODY
2
Rank
INT
2
WILL
2
MIND
2
Lootenant
INFL
2
AURA
2
SPIRIT
2
Motivation
INIT
8
WEALTH
8
HP
15
Upholding the Good
POWERS
Super Hearing: 2
SKILLS
Charisma: 3, Vehicles: 3, Weaponry: 3
ADVANTAGES
Attractive, Free Access (Military), License to Kill (Military), Rank (Lootenant O-3), Scholar (Languages), Security Clearance (Low)
CONNECTIONS
Low- Starfleet
DRAWBACKS
Minor Irrational Attraction to Spok, Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity, Serious Psychological Instability (Uhoora is unable to reign her emotions in, often engaging in PDAs and arguments at the most inappropriate of times)
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]

PavUl A. ChekoFF
DEX
3
STR
2
BODY
2
Rank
INT
3
WILL
2
MIND
2
Insine
INFL
1
AURA
2
SPIRIT
2
Motivation
INIT
7
WEALTH
8
HP
15
Thrill of Adventure
SKILLS
Gadgetry: 2, Vehicles: 4
ADVANTAGES
Free Access (Military), License to Kill (Military), Rank (Insine   O-1), Security Clearance (Low), Scholar (Transporter technology)
CONNECTIONS
Low- Starfleet
DRAWBACKS
Person of Interest (Benign- Starfleet), Public Identity
EQUIPMENT
Plaster [BODY: 3, Energy Blast: 5 (No AV, Lethal), Stun: 7 (No AV), R#2]
Starfleet Communicator [BODY: 2, Radio Communications: 25, Comprehend Languages: 12 (Usable on Others), R#3]

USS INTURPRIZE NCC-1701
Tactical Write Up:                                                                     
[(Structure/Life Support: STR: 21, BODY: 16, Sealed Systems: 26); (Computer & Sensor Systems: INT: 10, WILL: 5, MIND: 5, Recall: 20, Life Sense: 23, Radio Communication: 43, Comprehend Languages: 18, Radar Sense: 40, Security: 5, R#3); (Propulsion: Flight: 40 (Hyperwarp), Water Freedom: 5, PR#5); (Defenses: Plasters [Energy Blast: 18 (No AV, Minor Power Burnout)], Skin Armor: 4, Force Field: 4); (Transporter: 25 (No AV, Teleports people and objects only, cannot teleport through a Force Field), R#2] Misc: The ship's engines are powered by water. Occasionally, it must land in a planetary body of water to refuel.

Detailed Write Up:                                                                    
COMMUNICASHUNS [BODY: 6, Comprehend Languages: 18, Radio Communication: 43, R#2]
ENJUNEARRING [BODY: 9, INT: 10, WILL: 5, MIND: 5, Recall: 13, R#3]
HELM/NAVUGAYSHUN [BODY: 9, Radar Sense: 40 (Lidar), Flight: 40 (Hyperwarp), Water Freedom: 5, R#3] Misc: The Enterprise engines are powered by water. Occasionally, the ship must land in a planetary body of water to refuel.
LIBARY COMPOOTER [BODY: 8, INT: 10, WILL: 5, MIND: 5, Recall: 20, R#2]
REPLUCATER [BODY: 3, Fabricate: 10, R#2]    
SECOORITY SISTUMS [BODY: 8, Security: 5, Sealed Systems: 26, Gravity Increase: 21 (Provides artificial gravity), R#2]
SINSERS [BODY: 6, Life Sense: 23, Radar Sense: 40, Telescopic Vision: 27, R#3]
SIK BAY [INT: 8, WILL: 1, MIND: 1, Medicine: 1, R#3]
TAKTIKUL [BODY: 8, Energy Blast: 18 (No AV, Minor Power Burnout)], Skin Armor: 4, Force Field: 4, R#3]
TRANZPORTER [BODY: 6, Teleportation: 25 (No AV, Teleports people and objects only, cannot teleport through a Force Field), R#2] The AV of using a transporter is the user’s Vehicles (Spacecraft) skill. Transporting a moving target incurs a +2 CS to OV.
COLD FOOSHUN BOMM [BODY: 4, Ice Production: 18, R#2]

"I never liked 'Star Trek' when I was a kid. Growing up, I thought, honestly, I couldn't get into it. My friends loved it. I would try, I would watch episodes but it always felt too philosophical to me." -J.J. Abrams 
"If the director doesn’t love something, it’s wrong of them to make it when so many other people love it." 
-Sam Raimi

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